I'm betting all you hip kids know who Jackie Gleason is, but for the 99% of you who are utterly baffled by the mention of this alleged "Santa Claus", allow me to explain. He's the this fat, rosy cheeked old man who lives in the inhospitable wastes of the North Pole. He has a workforce of unpaid little people, a bunch of flying deer, and a very, very patient wife. He and his minions make old-school toys for children who adhere to his views of morality, and delivers them to every house everywhere on the evening of Christmas Eve. If a child doesn't adhere to his views of morality, he puts coal in their socks.

No, really. There's a guy who does this. I know, it's weird. I'm betting there are all sorts of arrest warrants out for him, but he's been at large for decades, if not longer.

The immortal is named after Jerry Seinfeld. There are other people who would technically be more appropriate for him to be named after, but "Jerry" was the only name that ended with a "y", and that somehow makes the name sound more friendly and approachable. I assume it must be frustrating to be a tough guy with a name that ends with an "ee" sound. Then again, maybe that's why they became tough to begin with.